Wizard of Bones
by SimOph52
Summary: Booth has Parker for the night and Parker can't get enough of fairytales. Then something happens...


**I wrote this a while ago and I thought it was cute, so I'm posting it here. It's silly and stupid and ultimately cute, and I thought that the hopless romantics here would appreciate it. Enjoy!!**

**R&R please!**

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"Yay! Daddy! Can we watch it again?" Parker said while clapping his hands and hopping up and down on his bed. Booth rolled his eyes, this having already been the second time they had watched the Wizard of Oz that day, amongst reading him every single fairytale book in their possession and quite honestly, he feared that if he continued to read these stories to his son, Parker might end up slightly more effeminate than Booth would have liked.

"Not tonight, Parker. It's time to go to bed."

"But Da-ad!" Parker whined.

"No, Parker. You have to go to sleep. You're mom is coming to get you tomorrow and if she is greeted at the door with a droopy-eyed son, Daddy is going to get in trouble."

"Okay…" Parker sighed, scooting himself further under the primary blue covers of his bed.

Booth rose up from the bed and walked to the door, turning back to look at his son once more, "Night, night."

"Sleep tight." Parker responded.

"Don't let the bed bugs bite!" Booth stated in a sing song voice.

"I won't" Parker said laughing at his father. With that, Booth turned the lights off in his son's room and shut the door quietly.

It had been a long day, and the only thing that Booth could think about doing was taking a hot shower and crawling into bed. He slowly walked towards the bathroom, generously stretching each cricked and tense muscle in his upper body, sighing in relief as the intensity of this past week was released.

He stepped into the bathroom and turned the shower faucet on to it's hottest setting. He made his way over to the mirror, closely examining his face to see if he was due for a shave yet, briskly running his hand over the rough stubble skin but decided that it could wait until morning.

The steam from the shower began to fill the bathroom, so Booth disrobed and headed in. He took the temperature down a smidgen and let the warm water sooth his aching muscles. From the kitchen, he heard his phone begin to ring, so quickly, without thought he attempted to run out of the shower, tripping out of the bathtub and finally, slammed his head into the door and knocked himself unconscious.

Booth woke up fully clothed in the middle of a strangely pigmented field. The sun was shining brighter than he could ever remember and there was a slight wind coming over a small hill with that was colored with daisies sporadically strewn in a seemingly friendly and appealing manner.

Booth stood up and started to brush the grass off himself, when he realized what he was wearing. A dark green wool shirt with a symbol of an unknown royal guard etched in gold and a pair of knee length grey slacks. He found this highly unusual, not only because these were clearly not his clothes, but also because he felt like he had just stepped out of the 16th century. Confused, he decided to check out this place, and see if he could find out where he was.

He walked over the pleasant looking hill and found that he was on a farm. He felt as though he had seen this place somewhere before, but he couldn't quite put his finger on where exactly.

"Ahoy there, Stud-ly." He heard a familiar voice call.

He turned to the direction of the voice only to see Angela dressed as a scarecrow.

"Angela?"

"What is it to you?"

"What? Where are we?" Booth replied.

"Interesting question. I'll have to think about it." She said frivolously while picking daisies from the hill and gathering them into a bouquet.

"Um, okay. How do I get out of here?"

She stood up straight and looked at him, "Interesting question. I'll have to think about it." And she immediately went back to picking the daisies.

Booth shook his head, he was becoming angry with the newly flakey Angela. He marched over to her and grabbed her arm. The force of it made her drop all of the flowers.

"Hey! I wanted those!" she said, as Booth pulled her along side of him. He was going to get to the bottom of this if it killed him.

"What is going on here?"

"Uh, I don't know. I seem to remember picking pretty flowers and then some rude, but… really hot knight pulled me away from them."

"I am not a knight! I'm an F.B.I. agent, Angela. You know that!" he said, unable to grasp what was wrong with this whole situation.

"So Knight, What's your name?"

Booth stopped and turned to her with a look of utter confusion carved into his face, "Angela, we've known each other for close to four years. Booth; my name is Seeley Booth."

"Ah, Sir Booth. Sir Sexeh is more like it!" she said winking at him.

He shook is head in disbelief and continued to drag her with him. They finally reached a dirt path and began walking along it in hopes that Booth might be able to find someone sane enough to help him out.

"Where are we going?" Angela whined.

"I don't know, but we have to find a way out of here." Booth said, determined to find someone with a better idea of where they were and how they could get out of here. They rounded a sharp turn in the dirt path, only to come face to face with an extremely odd looking tree that seemed to disappear far beyond the line of clouds.

"What the…" Booth said, his neck craning up to look towards the top of the gigantic plant life. Out from behind it walked Zack with a calculator in his hands. Zack was wearing what looked to be a Swedish custom made suit, and on top of his head, he wore a small cap with a dinky looking feather sticking out of its top.

"Zack!" Booth shouted.

Zack jumped at the sound of his voice. His eyes were wide and he froze like a dear in headlights when he saw this man. His head darting between this man, and the top of the beanstalk.

"You're supposed to be up there! You're supposed to be much larger than what you appear to be." He said, slowly taking steps backwards.

"What?" Booth said, clearly confused.

"This is mathematically and scientifically impossible." Zack said shaking his head and returning to his calculator, drumming away at it incessantly, "The last time I saw you, you were a giant!"

Booth walked over to him, Angela still in his grasp, grabbed the calculator and threw it on the ground.

"Where are we Zack?"

"Hey," Angela said, still whining, "Can you let go of my arm now? You're hurting me, and I promise I won't go anywhere."

Booth let go of her arm and she immediately adorned a wide vacant smile on her face. She hopped in front of Zach and stuck out her hand, "I'm Angela, and this is Sir Booth."

Zack grabbed her hand with the same vacant smile on his face and shook it fiercely, "I am Zack and this is my beanstalk. I've done the calculations, and it appears that I can make it up there and back here safely in approximately five minutes, of course, that depends on the weath-"

"HELLO?" Booth shouted at the both of them, "We need to figure out how to get out of here. Are you all crazy?"

"It would appear as though we are perfectly fine, and you are the one who is mentally incapacitated." Zack said reflexively.

Booth's eyes narrowed and his cheeks flushed beet red, "What did you say? What is wrong with you people? We need to get to a town or to a phone, now!"

Zack and Angela looked at each other questioningly and back at Booth.

"Okay," Booth said calming himself down, "Both of you are coming with me. I think that we may have been put here by some sadistic killer and he's drugged us, but luckily, they don't seem to have worked on me. If you guys are here, then that means Bones, Hodgins and Cam are around here somewhere."

At the mention of Cam's name, both Angela and Zack bowed their heads and stated together, "Queen Camille, long live the Queen."

Booth's eyebrows raised, but he quickly brushed it off and forced Zack and Angela to start walking again down the dirt road.

Soon enough, the threesome came across a lake where they found a man draped in a long royal purple cloak chanting by the edge of a pond.

"Hey, excuse me!" Booth yelled at the man, attempting to get his attention. No such luck. He walked up to the man and tapped him on the shoulder, revealing Hodgins.

"Hodgins!" Booth said, excited to find one of the more sane squints.

"Glorious morning, knight. Isn't it?" Hodgins said.

"Hodgins, we need to find a way out of here."

"Well, I could try a spell, but the Queen is watching us."

"Uh, Cam right?"

All at once, Angela, Zack and Hodgins bowed their heads and said, "Queen Camille, long live the Queen."

"Okay," Booth said raising his hands, "That is going to get really annoying, really quickly."

"Magic has been banned here for a while, but you should know, since you work for her." Hodgins stated, gesturing at the emblem embroidered on Booth's shirt.

Booth glanced down back at Hodgins, "I don't work for her, I woke up in these clothes."

"What is your name, ladd?" Hodgins said spreading out his arms.

"Booth!" he said, once again appalled that none of them could remember his name. Granted, they were most likely heavily drugged, but they had known each other for so long that he figured that they should at least remember his name.

"Booth? Sir Booth?" Hodgins whispered.

Booth sighed, "Yeah, sure, Sir Booth. That's me." He stated, giving up.

"You're the one," Hodgins said breathlessly. He turned to the other two, "He is the one they prophesized about." Zack and Angela both stared at Booth, seemingly mesmerized by him.

"I'm what one?" Booth asked, "The…awesome one?" he said in jest.

"You're the one who is going to save Princess Temperance from the Evil Queen." Hodgins whispered.

"Wait… what?" Booth asked, "Bones is being trapped by Cam?"

"Queen Camille, long live the Queen."

"Oh, stop with that already. I though Bones and Cam were getting along now? It's been almost two years, I thought that that whole power play was over with."

"Jeffersonia hasn't been the same since the Queen took over. It used to be such a happy place, now it is filled with authorizations and mandatory intellect; no whimsy allowed!"

Booth looked over at Angela, then back at Hodgins raising an eyebrow. Hodgins leaned in and whispered, "She's actually much more intelligent than she seems."

"Oh." Booth said, nodding his head.

"We have to prepare you for your journey."

"So, let me get this straight. Bones is being held captive by… The Queen, and I am supposed to save her in order to free 'Jeffersonia' from political oppression or something?"

"Indeed." Hodgins replied.

"Wow. When this is all over, I am either checking myself into a mental ward, or make all of you pay for pulling the most convincing unpractical, practical jokes ever."

"Sure... are you positive that your name is Booth?" Hodgins asked.

"Yes, why?"

"The prophecy indicated a noble knight, and while your physical description matches that, I find your mental stability feigning."

"Hey, my mental stability is just fine, Merlin!"

"Hey, don't knock the cloak man, it was expensive and custom made for my small stature."

"I like it!" Angela said, her smile still plastered on her face.

"Can I go back to my beanstalk now?" Zack asked. Both Hodgins and Booth turned to glare at him.

"Alright, fine. If this is what gets us all back home, then I will go save Bones from Cam."

"Queen Camille, long liv-"

"Ahhhh! Stop it with that!" Booth yelled.

With that, the four marched up the road together towards the center city of Jeffersonia. When they arrived, the city looked like a miniaturized version of D.C. the only difference being that everything was made out of thick grey concrete blocks rather than the more modern materials.

The first place they stopped was the Armory.

"Sir Sid" Hodgins greeted to the large man holding a piece of metal of a fire.

"Hodgins! Welcome back!" Sir Sid said putting the piece of metal down and shaking hands with his supposed "old friend".

"It has been a very weary road since I have seen you last." Hodgins said.

Booth was watching the interaction between the two men, and he couldn't understand how Sid, of all people, would greet Hodgins so warmly and ignore him. He looked over to Zack and Angela. Angela was placing her hand close to the fire and Zack would get extremely anxious about her safety until she would pull her hand back. She continued this act and every time, Zack's reaction would surpass the previous in intensity.

"Hodgins, who is this gentleman you've brought with you?" Sid bellowed.

"Ah, this is Sir Booth, he has come to request your services."

Sid looked at Hodgins with surprise, "This… this is Sir Booth?" he said astonished, clearly having heard about the prophecy.

"Indeed, I can feel our impending freedom."

"I have just the thing." Sid said pointing his finger high in the air.

Booth interjected, "I think I'll be good with a .45 caliber." Both men stopped and looked at Booth curiously, "Gun…you know?"

Both men now turned their questioning looks toward each other.

Sid made a dismissing hand gesture in the air, "I know what you need, don't worry about it."

Sid ran into a back room and returned in mere moments with a forty-six inch steel sword.

"Excalibur!" Sid said quietly triumphant.

"What?" Booth said incredulously, "Isn't this King Arthur's sword?"

"Who?" Hodgins asked.

"Nevermind. You know, you may be the worst sorcerer I have ever met."

"Hey, I take offense to that statement."

"Relax, you're also the only one I've ever met." Booth said, chuckling slightly.

"Oh… okay then." Hodgins said nodding his head defiantly, "How much do we owe you?"

Sid put his hands up defensively in the air, "Nothing, for the man who will save us all? You don't owe me anything."

"Good morrow, Sid."

"Good morrow!"

The four of them left the Armory and stood outside the front door.

"Well how am I supposed to get in there?" Booth asked, strapping the sword to his waistband.

"There is a secret entrance. The only people who know about this entrance is myself and Princess Temperance."

"Why do only the two of you know about it?"

"I used to work in the castle, before… you-know-who took over."

"You-know-who, long live you-know-who." Angela stated, giggling at her own joke, to which Zack laughed and Booth and Hodgins stared at her.

"We will wait for nightfall, and I will show you the door then."

"Show me the door? You're not coming?"

"It's too dangerous, and besides, someone has to baby-sit the… kids." Hodgins said looking over at Zack and Angela who were now occupying themselves by trying to catch fish with their bare hands in the Armory shop's coy pond. Booth rolled his eyes.

"I see your point. Fine then, I go in by myself. But how am I going to be able to find my way around the castle?"

"I have something for that!" Hodgins said triumphantly.

Later that night, the three loonies and the Knight were seeking refuge in a Hotel room which in the land of Jeffersonia was the equivalent of a Barn. Zack and Angela were playing in a stack of hay while Booth and Hodgins were discussing Booth's plan of attack.

"The prophecy came long before the Queen came into power," Hodgins spoke to Booth just above a whisper, "I had time to prepare for this day many moons ago." Hodgins dug around in the pocket of his cloak pulling out random trinkets that seemingly formed out of thin air considering there was no possible way they could all fit in one normal sized pocket. At last, he drew out a pair of Sunglasses and handed them to Booth, "These spectacles will be able to lead you to the princess no matter where she is."

Booth put the glasses on and saw what appeared to be a yellow brick road leading towards the castle, "Yellow brick road, of course. How could I expect any different? These are kind of cool though. Have you ever seen the original 1969 version of 'Oceans Eleven?"

"Dude, the new ones can't hold a candle." Hodgins said.

"I know, you can't mess with the classics." Booth laughed, removing the sunglasses.

"The princess is most definitely in the castle, but there is a small catch."

"What?" Booth asked waiting for the impending news.

"Not only is she being held prisoner, but supposedly she is bound in a block of ice."

"How am I supposed to get her out of that?" Booth said looking worried.

"That, I cannot help you with."

"Fine, just show me the friggin' door."

"Alright."

Hodgins and Booth stood up and brushed the hay from themselves and walked outside into the cool night air. Hodgins pointed at a small door across from them on the side of the castle wall, "There it is."

Booth looked from the door to Hogins, "That's it? That's your super top secret door?"

"Hey! I'm not perfect!" Booth shook his head and walked towards the door, "Be careful!"

Booth looked toward Hodgins and gave him a small wave before entering into the castle, "Well, here goes nothing." He placed the sunglasses over his eyes and began following the yellow brick road. He treated each turn and corner as though he were on an F.B.I. case, making sure the coast was clear before continuing on his way. After weaving through what seemed like a maze of hallways, he reached a large metal door, "It cannot be this easy." He opened the door and there, in front of him was a large block of ice with Brennan trapped inside it, only her head was peaking out of the top. She seemed as though she was sleeping, although it seemed to be an unpleasant sleep. Her head was moving slightly and she was moaning in pain. He stepped forward when he was stopped by Queen Camille stepping into his path.

"Cam!" Booth said surprised.

"Seeley, I knew you would come." She said with the look of the devil in her eyes.

"Cam, just let her go. I thought you two had gotten over this nonsense."

"Gotten over it?" she laughed wickedly, "You stole my heart, and then you turned on me. And now, after everything that you put me through, you choose her!"

"It's not like that Cam. You know that you were and still are important to me!" Booth said, honestly scared of what she was going to do.

"Well you won't get that chance, Seeley. An eye for and eye; or, to be more specific, my heart for yours!" Camille took a knife out from behind her back and approached him with a murderous look in her eyes. Booth extricated his sword from its sheath and held it up in his defense. He didn't want to kill her, because in all honesty, she was a good friend of his, but she was keeping Bones in a block of ice and trying to kill him. Without a second thought, Booth plunged the sword into her, making sure to attempt to avoid any major organs and arteries, but in reality, he had no idea and prayed for it to all work out.

Cam sucked in a painful breath and dropped to her knees, where she eventually became unconscious due to blood loss. Booth ran to the block of ice, "Bones! Bones!" he called, hoping to wake her up, "Bones!" he said, running his hands through her hair.

"What do you want, Booth?"

"Oh, thank God you're okay."

"Booth, I'm trapped in a block of ice. I am anything but okay."

"Don't worry, I'll get you out of here." Booth looked around the room for anything that he might be able to pierce the ice with and only came up with Excalibur, which he would have to take out of Cam, or the small dagger that she was trying to kill him with. He opted for the dagger, knowing that the wound would only be more fatal if he tried to remove the sword. He grabbed the dagger and began chipping away at the ice.

"That is never going to work Booth."

"What? Why not?"

"Because the chemical compounds of this ice are not merely H2O. This is special ice, it will just continue to reform itself."

"Let me try."

Brennan rolled her eyes and let him continue with his fruitless efforts, "You are doing an awful job at rescuing me. I could do this better in my sleep."

"Bones! Would you just let me save you, one time, without the nagging?"

"I'm just saying that your method is highly ineffective."

"Do you want me to save you or not?" he said, stepping away from her momentarily.

"I guess." She said, attempting to shrug.

"'Cause, you know, I could just leave you here."

"You wouldn't do that, I know you well enough to know that. But for the sake of argument, I do appreciate your efforts."

"Thank you. Now just, shut your pie whole and let me work."

"I don't like pie, Booth."

Booth let out a small growl as he diligently chipped away at the ice. Finally, he threw down the dagger in defeat.

"How the heck am I supposed to do this?" he said kicking the block of ice.

"I don't know, Booth. I am so cold." She said whimpering, her lips turning blue.

"Hey, I will get you out of here, Temperance."

"How, Booth? It's hopeless." Tears were beginning to form in her eyes.

"Hey," he said stepping up to meet her eye to eye, "I will get you out of this; you have nothing to worry about. You just have to hang on, okay?"

She nodded her head. He leaned forward and kissed her on the forehead and the ice melted slightly. His eyes widened as he felt the water flow past his feet. They both started laughing at the miraculous discovery.

He turned to Brennan, "Hey Bones, you can't be angry at me, because I'm saving your life." He said with a grin on his face.

She rolled her eyes, "Fine, just kiss me, damn it."

With her permission, Sir Booth leaned in and kissed Princess Temperance and the ice began to melt. Although, when the ice was finished melting, they continued to kiss.

He woke to the sound of pounding, not only from his head but from something else.

"BOOTH!" he heard someone yell. He opened his eyes and groaned at the throbbing pain on his head.

"BOOTH!" he heard again, "If you don't answer me in ten seconds, I am calling 9-1-1."

"Daddy are you okay?" he heard Parker whimper.

"Ah," Booth groaned, slowly pulling himself up off the floor, "Yeah, I'm okay. Stop pounding on the door!"

"What is going on?" he now recognized the voice, it was Brennan.

"I knocked myself out by accident. I'll be out in a second." He quickly redressed himself, turned off the water in the shower and made his way out into the kitchen where he was met with two concerned, frantic looking faces.

"You have blood coming from your head." Brennan said rushing over to his side. She sat him down at the kitchen table across from parker who was eating vanilla ice cream straight from the container. Brennan began examining the wound and cleaning the blood off of him.

"Bones, you gave him the whole tub of ice cream?"

"He was worried about his father's safety. It was… comfort food."

"You know what comfort food is?" he cracked at her.

"Angela eats comfort food during the time of her menstrat-"

"DON'T say that word, Bones." Booth said cutting her off.

"Baby…" she giggled, "It's just a flesh wound, but you could have a concussion."

"I'm fine, Bones."

"You don't even want to start with me right now, Seeley Booth." She demanded.

"Okay, Parker." Booth said standing up, "Back to bed with you!"

Parker dropped the spoon into the tub of ice cream disappointed and slowly moped back to his bedroom and shut the door.

Booth turned to Brennan and smiled at her, "What are you even doing here?"

Brennan shifted uncomfortably, "I called you seven times and there was no answer. I was worried."

"That is why you rushed over here?"

'Well," she said avoiding eye contact, "It's a good thing I did, because you knocked yourself out."

"You're unbelievable." He said shaking his head.

"Well then, I see that you are fine, and now I'm going to leave." She said brushing past him towards the front door.

"Hey, Bones…" he said trotting after her, she turned abruptly and looked at him cautiously, "I had this weird dream when I was knocked out. You were a princess and I had to save you from Cam, who was apparently an oppressive Queen ruling over Jeffersonia."

"Interesting…" she said looking as though she didn't understand the point of him telling her about it.

"Well, I don't remember if I saved you or not." He said, knowing that he was lying.

"Well," she said flailing her arms slightly in agitation and embarrassment, "How did you have to save me?" she said hoping that she might be able to escape quicker if he got out what he want to say.

"Like this," he said, grabbing her hand and pulling her into a deeply intense kiss. She felt as though she was going weak at the knees. They separated slightly and she rested her head on his chest, unable to move away from him for fear of falling over, "Bones, I have been completely in love with you for almost two years, and I can't keep hiding it anymore. I'm tired of not being with you." He said running his fingers through her hair.

She let out a sigh and closed her eyes, "Booth," she said, "You just… you feel like home."

He kissed her on the top of her head and they stood there together momentarily reliving their parts of Sir Booth and Princess Temperance.


End file.
